I Don't Trust Him

Why is it so hard to trust?

I suppose the obvious answer is that there aren’t many people that are trustworthy and after getting hurt time and time again we grow callused and jaded on the subject. If the stove burned you the last time you touched it, it’s not easy to reach out and touch it again even if we have good reason to believe the burner isn’t on.

I struggle with trusting the Lord.

The reasons are usually silly at their core, but even when I am aware of this the problem remains. Why don’t I trust Him more?

Let me give you an example…in the Bible the Lord would sometimes have prophets live a certain reality, then God would use that reality as a teaching point. He sometimes communicates in this same way even now (at least He has in my life).

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My wife has started playing flag football (which is great). She plays at Reg Bug Lake park, which is a very big park. The first time we went out I brought Allie (our daughter) and planned to take her to the playground while Tiff was playing football.

We made sure that Tiff found her teammates and had everything she needed and we started off to find the playground. I had been to this park many times growing up and had had a lot of fun there. I was excited that now I could share and re-live some of that fun with my daughter and see it through her eyes.

Almost immediately I felt the Lord tugging on my heart saying, “Go to the park office, ask about the playground.”

I shrugged it off and said in my heart, “I know this place, I grew up here. It’s a great day outside and I want to find the playground myself.”

The football field is on one extreme side of the park, Allie and I walked the entire length of the park (about a 15 minute walk with a toddler) looking for the playground and could not find it.

I heard the voice in my heart again, “Go to the park office, ask about the playground.”

I ignored it and continued searching. We had to double back and began retracing our steps. At last I found the playground! We walked towards it in the back and as we drew closer I realized that the playground I had “found” was actually some lawn equipment under an awning.

Finally I submitted to the Lord and went to the park office (I had now spent about half an hour searching for this playground). We entered the office and I asked about the playground that I remembered and they told us that they had torn it down. However, there was a small toddler playground and they directed us towards it.

We began our trek to the only playground left and as I arrive I was shocked. This was even better than I had planned or imagined. The playground was right where we had started our journey, it was right beside the field that my wife was playing football at.

Because I had stubbornly wanted to do things my way I missed a wonderful reality. I was right next to where the Lord wanted me. He had in mind something that was better than I did and I could have gotten there sooner if I would have listened to Him. I had assumed that I could either watch my wife play football or I could watch my daughter play on the playground but He had orchestrated a reality where I could do both! The playground was right by the field and I could cheer for my wife and daughter at the same time.

If I would have listened to Him and gone straight to the office I would have been there so much sooner and could have started enjoying it what He had planned for me. Because I did things my way I walked around the park for at least 40 minutes trying to find a “reality” that didn’t exist.

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In life we chase things that often aren’t there and if they are, they aren’t half as rewarding as we thought they’d be.

As soon as I realized what had happened that day at the park the voice of the Lord tugged on my heart again and said, “This is what you’re doing with your life. You are trying to do things your way and I have so much more planned for you than you can even imagine. Listen to me, submit to me.”

Even knowing this now, I struggle with trusting Him. If I put my worries on paper I can “defeat” them, but they are still difficult.

I worry that God doesn’t have my best interest in mind. That if I stop looking out for myself no one will. That if I stop striving He will forget I’m here and I will waste away.

I worry that God won’t really provide for me. That He won’t supply my family with our needs.

I worry that God doesn’t love me, that the difficulties in my life are a result of punishment.

The reality is though, if God has given up His son in order to bring me to Him, there is nothing else He wouldn’t give for me.

Rom 8:31-39

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-Lord, please give us grace that we might trust in you.