God is Near to the Broken Hearted

Life is quite different than I thought it would be back when I was graduating high school. I remember feeling like I was on a road that would only become more exciting and fun and that it would certainly never come to an end. Twelve years later that same path feels a lot more treacherous and I know now that the end of the path can be just around the next bend.

About three years ago my three month old son Seth died. My most vivid memories of him are during the Christmas season. After Seth's death Tiff and I lost another child in a miscarriage (who we've named Sammy [could be Samantha or Samuel]) before we were blessed to have our son Levi.

Losing a child gives you a different set of lenses that you view the world through... you can't really take them off either.

As Christmas approaches my thoughts and emotions are pulled towards the loss of my son Seth, however, I want my soul to be rejoicing instead in the love that God has displayed by giving up His Son.

Oh my soul, hope in the Lord. He is your Rock and Redeemer, your Shelter in the storm. He will never leave you, He won't forsake you. He has suffered as we suffer and has endured for the glory set before Him... union with us His Church, His Bride.

I will rejoice in the life that God has given me not because every moment feels good, but because He is good and He has given me Himself. Even in sadness I can be comforted knowing that my Savior was also a man of sorrows acquainted with grief.

This life is full of brokenness, but I know the one who is making all things new. He's not done yet... He's coming back.

Who Cares About the Law?

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

-Matt 5:17-20

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Who cares about the law?

The law seems like something archaic, and in some ways it is. There is a principle behind it, however, that transcends a conversation about religious interpretation and permeates our entire lives. For the Pharisees, the laws were what validated them. If you are keeping the law then all is well, if you are not, then all is not well. This is, of course, an over-simplification but bear with me.

The Pharisees could look to the law to determine their personal value.  What is it in your life that you look to in order to reassure your heart that all is well? Is it your relationships? Is it your bank account? Is it the respect that you get at your job or perhaps your talent in some hobby?

Whatever it is, we all have one.

Here's the thing, when you look to something in this way (to determine your "okayness") it will ultimately ruin you. 

Here's why....

Let's use work as an example. If I look to my work, the quality of it and the results from it in order to gain my satisfaction, I will end up in one of two places and be completely stressed on the journey between those outcomes.

If I perform well and the results are good (the project is finished, the boss recognizes me, etc), I'm on top of the world! But here's the thing, because I have performed well I don't have much mercy for those who don't perform well. I begin to look down on people who don't work hard. "What's wrong with them? I did it, they can to! They just need to quit being lazy and get things done!"

Succeeding will turn my heart hard and unforgiving towards others and make me into a bit of a jerk. Also it will squeeze out room for other things in my heart, so that when I am feeling any negative feelings the only place that I can run to in order to feel better is work. This means that I will neglect my relationships and other responsibilities, because they don't provide the validation that work does.

Let's evaluate the other end of the spectrum with work as the analogy. If I make work my everything and then I fail, I am totally crushed. Rejection, depression, and loss will result. I then will have to do one of two things.  I will have to work relentlessly and gladly sacrifice anything until I can restore my reputation again at work.  Or, I will flee from anything that reminds me of work.I might begin to shutdown in the areas of life where I feel evaluated like I did when I tried my hardest at work but failed. I might begin to develop a fear of rejection. This will spill over into my relationships with my family and loved ones. I might have to self-medicate with video games, alcohol, drugs, etc in order to feel good.

So what does this have to do with what Jesus is talking about? Jesus steps on to the scene and tells the people something that would have been very surprising. At this time the Pharisees had a reputation as being the most righteous people, the people that were most serious about really trying to live out what the Bible says. Jesus says to everyone, "You have no chance of getting into heaven unless you are way better than the Pharisees, they aren't good enough."

This would be like Jesus looking to the fella that works 80 hours a week and saying, "To get in, you need to work more hours than that guy."

Here's the thing: we all have very real, good desires that we do our best to meet with things that we feel we can control. Work feels like I can control it, so I feed my desire to be validated with it. However, living this way is like trying to quench your thirst by drinking only milk shakes and soda. You can hold the thirst at bay for a little while, but filling your body with only these beverages and never what it really thirsts for (water) will end up destroying your body.

Our desires to be validated and know that we're okay can only truly be met in Jesus. Jesus comes and says, "The bar is much higher to get into heaven than you think, you don't really have a chance. However, I am going to jump over the bar.  I am going to exceed the standard and I will credit you with my effort. That's how you can get in."

This is why people call Christianity a crutch. Everywhere else in life you're told to work hard and earn your keep. Christianity says, "The bar's too high! You won't ever be able to make it...BUT...you can use Jesus' resume to get it!"

People feel like they're taking a handout if they do this. This is why right before this teaching in the book of Matthew Jesus starts His beatitudes (which means blessings) with...

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.

The only thing you need to start a relationship with Jesus and to ultimately have access to love, joy, peace, and the hope of heaven...is empty hands.

If you come to Jesus and try to use your own resume in whatever it is that your heart hides itself in...the standard is too high...you won't make it. It's only when we come to Jesus knowing that we don't measure up and asking for His help that we can begin our journey towards being the people He's created us to be.

Do you want to be set free from your treadmill of performance-based "okayness"? Come to Jesus and be set free.

Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

-Matt 11:28-30

How To Be Happy and Carefree

The Beatitudes are a section of Scripture where even those who don't like Jesus still have respect for.

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. 5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. 6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. 7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. 8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. 10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. -Matthew 5

What does this all mean? It's so familiar that I have a hard time thinking about it. It seems in my mind to fall into the same category as " roses are red, violets are blue..." 

I remember in school the toughest content to sturdy was content that I was already familiar with. I would gloss over it as I read through it assuming I knew what it was saying without ever taking the time to read through it. This to me is the category that the beatitudes can fall into. 

Does this happen to you? 

First, I think it would be helpful to look at what the word beatitude means. The closest definition I can find is happy or carefree. The beatitudes describe what a truly happy, carefree person looks like and it is a very different list than you or I would have come up with. 

What can we learn from this so far?

 At the very least this tells me that the Christianity that Jesus spoke of is not common. This is not a list of things that you commonly see people displaying. Also, it is very different from any other popular ideaology. 

Here are some examples of commonly held beliefs across different worldviews. 

• You have to work hard in order to achieve rewards (including spiritual rewards) and attain satisfaction 
• The rich are favored by God/universe
• A righteous/good/strong person always pulls themselves up by their bootstraps 
• Crying/being sad is for the weak 
• You have to be self reliant and assertive to get ahead in life
• If you are persecuted, God/universe must be angry with you

Perhaps you might have not heard the above beliefs expressed explicitly, but they are the messages that are lived out in our culture regardless of people's religious background and they are contrary to what Jesus Himself taught. 

If you are living your life under the false belief system you will know that they only breed anxiety and stress. These false beliefs tell you to find your identity and value in your performance. You are only as good as you can perform. 


What do the beatitudes say? 

• God gives His kingdom to those that see their need for Him. 
• God comforts those who mourn with and for their own shortcomings and the pain and suffering of others. 
• Being humble and God-reliant (instead of self-reliant) is what gains an inheritance. 
• Those who desire a deeper satisfaction than the world can offer will be satisfied in what God offers. 
• Being aware of the need of Him and being satisfied by Him is to have received mercy. When you have experienced mercy like this you are free and able to give that mercy to others. 
• Being merciful towards others produces a pure heart that wants good for others. This is the kind of heart that can look into Gods eye's with joy. 
• Being merciful and wanting good for others will make you into the type of person that people seek counsel from when they are seeking to settle their own disputes. You will be reflecting God to others. 
• A person who lives out the above attributes is a person who will have a lot of influence on his community. Some will not like this and will seek to take away that influence how ever they can. 
• You are given blessings and rewards in heaven when others revile you because you believe in Jesus. 

The last beatitude is the one that displays the uniqueness Jesus. 

The core of the beatitudes is not moral performance, but Jesus himself. He is the one that perfectly displays the beatitudes in his own life.  

10 Later, Matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. 11 But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum?*” 12 When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.” 13 Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’* For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”-Matthew 9 

The Bloody Business Man

I met a man in the jail at 33rd who worshipped spirits and had been doing so for a long time. He said that he would have to cut himself and offer his blood as a sacrifice to his spirits.

While this may sound crazy, the fella was an average looking fella who was actually quite clever. He had been in a number of different prisons and described to me numerous systems and methods that he had used in order to thrive. He called it "wheeling and dealing." A favor for this guy leads to a a debt owed which can be cashed in for etc...that sort of thing.

I don't know if you're aware of this but some prisons have "Christian" dorms. What that means is that there is a particular part of the prison/jail that you can opt into that has Christian teaching available for anyone who wants it. You can ask to be moved into or out of the Christian area as not everyone likes it. For example, the Christian dorm in our jail (in Orlando) offers Bible study during times that other dorms would just be hanging out and watching TV.

The man described to me how he had found himself in a Christian dorm at another prison and how he had "come to power" there. It was there that he heard about Jesus and thought to himself (this is what he told me), "I will never bow down to such a wussy God like that."

The Christian dorm that he was in had a program where if you memorized a certain amount of scriptures they would give you a Bible. My friend being the business man that he is decided that he would memorize the scripture, get the Bible, and trade it for something that he wanted. What he didn't count on though was The Lord chasing after him through His Word.

As the man memorized more and more scriptures his heart began to change and he began to become genuinely interested in Jesus of Nazareth.

He described to me how as he began to follow Jesus, all of the things in his life that he worked for began to fall away. He was transferred to different prisons where his "wheeling and dealing" wouldn't work. The privileges that he had won/earned were taken away. He thought that life would get easier following Jesus but it actually became more difficult.

That night we had talked about how Jesus requires us to destroy our idols by bringing them to Him. That was what this man was experiencing. All of the areas of his life that gave him value and identity (apart from Christ) were being stripped away so that Jesus could fill the void for him and be his everything.

He now follows Jesus, he no longer worships spirits that require his blood. Instead, he serves the God that came down from heaven and spilled His own blood in order to redeem us. He serves the God that meets us in our messes and stops at nothing in order to draw us closer to Him.

Don't you want a God like that? A God who will pay any price to win your love, a God who knows all of your worst, most shameful deeds and thoughts and loves you anyway. There's nothing you can do to stop His love. Do you know Him? If not, He's waiting for you!

If you already know the Savior, let's praise him together for His unrelenting love as He strengthens us and continues to spread His kingdom through broken people like ourselves. A God who transforms us into the image of Christ for the sake of others.

Recovering Christian Narcissist

Tis not that I did choose Thee,

For Lord, that could not be;

This heart would still refuse Thee,

Hadst Thou not chosen me.

My heart owns none before Thee,

For Thy rich grace I thirst;

This knowing, if I love Thee,

Thou must have loved me first.

The chains of performance truly fell off when I began to take the Bible at its word when it spoke of grace. 

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. -Rom 5:8

For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up. - John 6:44

God did that. There's nothing about my moral effort in this, all God. 

Let me ask you this, if we were not involved in this process of atonement (God making everything okay), if it was Jesus that paid for our sins (while all of our sins were in the future) and God the Father that is drawing us to Him now...why are we so focused on our own performance? 

I once heard the term "Christian Narcissist", which I think does a good job of summing up the problem. We spend all of our time gazing at our self to gauge our spiritual progress and it's exhausting. Our time would be better spent gazing at Jesus. 

There's a Tim Timmons song that eloquently expresses this idea. It goes...

Everybody waits for the moment the bride comes out

Open up the doors and watch her walk down the aisle

Is she lovely, is she shining, is she looking at the one she loves?

Everybody's watching, what are we all about

When we open up the doors is religion all that walks out

Are we lovely, are we shining, are we looking at the One we love

Or is His glory divided 'cause we're looking at ourselves too much?

When's Stephen was being stoned outside the walls of Jerusalem, was he looking at his life saying, "I wonder if I've been good enough for God to love me?"

Nope...

Instead he is gazing up at Jesus. 

When you lock eyes with Jesus, something wonderful begins to happen. The power of Jesus is so beautiful that just gazing upon it begins to change you into something beautiful. As Stephen is looking up to Jesus his heart is filled with the love of Jesus. Instead of feeling anger towards those that are killing him he reflects Jesus himself as he prays for the forgiveness of those who are in the very act of murdering him.

We are transformed into the image of Christ for the sake of others. Stephens transformation in the midst of agony had a part in the conversion of Saul to Paul (the man whom The Lord used to write most of the New Testament).

Are we looking to Jesus or does our gaze stop at our own actions and behavior?

I was watching a survival show that was simulating how to find your way out of the woods if you ever find yourself in that situation. One of the pieces of advice that was given is to determine the direction that you want to head, then find a landmark and fix your gaze on it. If you keep your gaze on the landmark and continue walking towards it you will get where you are wanting to go. If you don't keep your gaze fixed on it you will begin to wander off in the wrong direction as you travel through the terrain.

That's what the Christian walk is like. If our eyes are fixed on Jesus and what He's already accomplished for us on the cross we will continue to grow and become more like Him. 

And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. -Heb 12:1,2

When we stare into the eyes of a God who withheld nothing in order to love us, our hearts are changed. Trying harder doesn't work...beholding the glory of God in Jesus Christ is what changes us. 

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. -2 Cor 3:18

Needy

I was reading through the book of Philippians last night and one of the verses smacked me in the face.

I had read it before but it had never really stood out to me. I started thinking about it and the implications of it. This is what I believe it's saying.

For those of us that follow and submit to Jesus, all of our needs are met, right now...even though it might not feel like it. We have everything we need in Jesus Christ, who loved us and gave Himself for us.

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19

This also means that if we feel Jesus isn't meeting one of our needs, perhaps it's not really a need. This verse is saying that any real needs we have are answered in a relationship with Jesus and being overwhelmed in His love. When we find our selves angry, impatient, bitter, lonely..we're not grasping how much Jesus loves us and how very near He is to us. We're seeking the love and approval of someone or something else other than our Savior.

As you go throughout your week, remember that there is someone who loves you immensely and completely. Who would give up anything in order to love you, who would stop at nothing to make you His, who not only risked His everything but really gave up His everything in order to call you His. He will never reject you or turn away from you. He will provide for everyone of your needs.

Jesus is coming soon and He can't wait to see you. 

Everything will be made new. 

This is real.

The Great Recycler

God works in incredible ways that are often not the ways we would have chosen.

As some of you know we lost our son Seth in January of this year. The diagnosis was SIDS. This has been by no means easy and there are no clear cut answers for why The Lord allows suffering into our lives. However, I am here to tell you that even though suffering comes (and come it will) The Lord is able to make good of any situation and use it for your healing, the good of others and to bring glory to God.

I want to tell you one of the many ways that The Lord has brought about good through the death of my son. I will never forget this encounter, I will tell it to my dying day.

I have been going into the jail on 33rd st since my son died this year. I go in about once a month and I participate in a Bible study every week that involves some men who have come out of the jail on 33rd. 

When I go into the jail I usually walk through a section of scripture with the men there. There is typically somewhere between 20-30 men who participate in this. It involves some teaching and a lot of discussion. I share my struggles with them and I am very open and honest with them.

When I meet with men for the Bible study I also share my struggles with them as we study through what the Bible says.

Recently there have been a few new people that have joined us. When new people come we usually take time to go around and introduce ourselves, give a little bit of our backstory, and share what we are currently struggling with.

After I had shared my past and how Jesus has changed my life I shared that I had recently lost my son in January and how I struggle with that everyday. How I am different...how I am sad...frequently.

As I finished speaking, one of the men (who was new to the group) looked up at me and said, "I know you. I've met you before."

This took me off guard to say the least. I don't remember ever meeting this man before.

He said, "You visited me while I was in prison and you shared with us how you lost your Son but how you could still feel God's love and how you still loved Him. I couldn't get you out of my head. I went to bed at night thinking of you. I couldn't figure out how you could lose so much and still love God. I figured He must be an awesome God. I wanted to get to know this God.

I knew what church you went to so as soon as I got out I looked it up. You are the reason that I'm here."

This man has recently given his life to Jesus. He has recently been baptized along with his wife. He is falling more in love with Jesus everyday, even through the messiness that life brings.

I tell this story not to make much of me or my family, but to point towards how great a God we serve.

My son lived 3 months and my wife and I miss him every day, but even through this terrible loss The Lord used the 3 months that my son lived to change the eternity of a man and his wife.

There is no evil, no pain, no despair, no thing, that Jesus cannot redeem. He is the great Redeemer, the great Recycler.

The Lord takes what is ashes, what is ruined, and turns it into a crown of beauty. -Is 61:3

I Don't Trust Him

Why is it so hard to trust?

I suppose the obvious answer is that there aren’t many people that are trustworthy and after getting hurt time and time again we grow callused and jaded on the subject. If the stove burned you the last time you touched it, it’s not easy to reach out and touch it again even if we have good reason to believe the burner isn’t on.

I struggle with trusting the Lord.

The reasons are usually silly at their core, but even when I am aware of this the problem remains. Why don’t I trust Him more?

Let me give you an example…in the Bible the Lord would sometimes have prophets live a certain reality, then God would use that reality as a teaching point. He sometimes communicates in this same way even now (at least He has in my life).

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My wife has started playing flag football (which is great). She plays at Reg Bug Lake park, which is a very big park. The first time we went out I brought Allie (our daughter) and planned to take her to the playground while Tiff was playing football.

We made sure that Tiff found her teammates and had everything she needed and we started off to find the playground. I had been to this park many times growing up and had had a lot of fun there. I was excited that now I could share and re-live some of that fun with my daughter and see it through her eyes.

Almost immediately I felt the Lord tugging on my heart saying, “Go to the park office, ask about the playground.”

I shrugged it off and said in my heart, “I know this place, I grew up here. It’s a great day outside and I want to find the playground myself.”

The football field is on one extreme side of the park, Allie and I walked the entire length of the park (about a 15 minute walk with a toddler) looking for the playground and could not find it.

I heard the voice in my heart again, “Go to the park office, ask about the playground.”

I ignored it and continued searching. We had to double back and began retracing our steps. At last I found the playground! We walked towards it in the back and as we drew closer I realized that the playground I had “found” was actually some lawn equipment under an awning.

Finally I submitted to the Lord and went to the park office (I had now spent about half an hour searching for this playground). We entered the office and I asked about the playground that I remembered and they told us that they had torn it down. However, there was a small toddler playground and they directed us towards it.

We began our trek to the only playground left and as I arrive I was shocked. This was even better than I had planned or imagined. The playground was right where we had started our journey, it was right beside the field that my wife was playing football at.

Because I had stubbornly wanted to do things my way I missed a wonderful reality. I was right next to where the Lord wanted me. He had in mind something that was better than I did and I could have gotten there sooner if I would have listened to Him. I had assumed that I could either watch my wife play football or I could watch my daughter play on the playground but He had orchestrated a reality where I could do both! The playground was right by the field and I could cheer for my wife and daughter at the same time.

If I would have listened to Him and gone straight to the office I would have been there so much sooner and could have started enjoying it what He had planned for me. Because I did things my way I walked around the park for at least 40 minutes trying to find a “reality” that didn’t exist.

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In life we chase things that often aren’t there and if they are, they aren’t half as rewarding as we thought they’d be.

As soon as I realized what had happened that day at the park the voice of the Lord tugged on my heart again and said, “This is what you’re doing with your life. You are trying to do things your way and I have so much more planned for you than you can even imagine. Listen to me, submit to me.”

Even knowing this now, I struggle with trusting Him. If I put my worries on paper I can “defeat” them, but they are still difficult.

I worry that God doesn’t have my best interest in mind. That if I stop looking out for myself no one will. That if I stop striving He will forget I’m here and I will waste away.

I worry that God won’t really provide for me. That He won’t supply my family with our needs.

I worry that God doesn’t love me, that the difficulties in my life are a result of punishment.

The reality is though, if God has given up His son in order to bring me to Him, there is nothing else He wouldn’t give for me.

Rom 8:31-39

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-Lord, please give us grace that we might trust in you. 

Why?

Why?

It's a question that I'm sure a lot of ask. We probably ask it much more than we're aware of. 

Why did he get promoted instead of me?

Why did my car stop working just when I was starting to get out of debt?

Why did my spouse leave?

Why can't I do anything right?

Why don't people like me?

Why do our loved ones die?

What answer could be given to you that you would find acceptable? Just think, is there really an answer that you can fathom that would bring healing to that wound?

I'm conviced that the answer to that question isn't a proposition or a list of affects that the situation brought about. I'm conviced that if there was an answer like that it wouldn't matter, it wouldn't bring healing or comfort.

I believe with all my heart that I know the answer to that "Why?" question. I think the answer is a person. I know it sounds cheesy to say, "Jesus is the answer," but at the same time I believe it's true.

There is no other answer that bring healing, that can bring comfort than for Jesus to show up in person. He has done so before and He is coming back to do just that. Jesus is coming, He is going to step into my pain and sorrow, He is going to break through your despair and enter your own private hell to take the shackles off you and bring you into the light.

Paul puts it this way in his letter to the church in Colossae:

For he [God the Father] has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom* and forgave our sins. (Col 1:13,14)

He's not going to stop there, He is going to right the whole world. The diciple that was one of the closest to Jesus while He was here on Earth was John. He wrote this:

I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.* He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” 

And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. (Rev 21:3-6)

Have you seen the movie Convicted? If you haven't, this is a little bit of a spoiler...but nothing big.

The movie is about a brother and sister that have an incredibly close relationship. At some point the brother is imprisoned for murder. The sister believes him to be innocent and gets her GED and works her way up to law school. She becomes a lawyer in order to free her brother from prison. It takes 16 years of her life...a lot of time.

At one point in the movie the brother says to her...(in words similiar to these...I won't be able to quote exactly)..."You know, if you left me in here another 20 years, I'd be alright."

The sister expresses shock and believes that he's kidding.

He looks her in the eyes and say, "I just mean, you're working so hard for me out here, goin to school and all and becoming a lawyer. I'm okay no matter what I go through in here because I know there's someone like you that loves me and is working to get me out."

The way that we endure the pain and suffering and confusion is just like the brother from convicted. We take sollace and refuge in the love of one who has given His all in order to save us. Who is even now interceding for us and giving us His Spirit to guide us. We can go through anything if we really believe there is someone that great that is madly in love with us and actively working right now to come back and save us from our prison.

Don't you want a God like that? Who knows the accusations brought against us, and even when they are true takes the penalty Himself and frees us from our prisons? If you have never trusted in Jesus, I think now is as good a time as ever to begin.

The first step to starting a relationship with Him is to know that you are in fact in prison, to know that you can't get out of the prison yourself. Cry out to Him and ask Him to meet you where you're at. Jesus will meet you in your mess and shame, but He won't leave you there.

If you already know Jesus and love Him, remember to look to Him when you are going through hardship and know that there is someone who is infintely more wonderful than the sister in the movie, who isn't just giving up years of his life to school to save you but gave up His whole life in order to save you. 

He is coming again and He will make all things new. Come Jesus, come quickly.

Nightmares

I have been a Christian no longer than five years now. I don't know that right away it began, but soon after I became a Christian I developed the habit of having nightmares almost every night.

This may sound terrible, and I suppose that in truth it is terrible, but the effect that it has on me is one that I actually am glad for. My nightmares are usually about me being entangled in the way that I used to live. I used to behave in a way that chased after everything that I thought would bring me joy without thinking of the relationships that I might be injuring or breaking in the pursuit.

I would let anger fester into hate and I would nurse the hate and continue to feed the flame that burned in my heart against others. I would weave webs of lies (I literally enjoyed deceiving others, it made me feel like I was smarter and more in control) and live at the center/hub of all the lies. When a strand of my web was "broken" my life fell into peril as I had to venture out to the lie that had been damaged and mend it with more lies.

I was consumed by chasing after things that would numb and enable me to escape. From a very early age I was addicted (it was all consuming) to video games. This continued all the way up until the time that I became a Christian. I also consumed oceans of alcohol because I preferred being drunk more than being sober.

My old self, my old way of living was concerned only with maintaining control and "happiness" through whatever means possible. However, my old self settled for leftover fastfood fries when I could have had a feast cooked by a world famous chef.

When things are going good in my life, I like to think that I praise God for those things. In truth I don't think that's the way that things actually happen. I tend to forget God and I certainly lose the awareness that I need Him every moment of the day. I miss out on the intimacy of our relationship when my life is filled with wonderful, good things. This is not His fault, rather it speaks to my selfish nature that wants to be in control. When the illusion of control is there I love to grab it and claim it as my own. In the process I tend to cut God out of the picture (even though sometimes I'm doing it unconsciously).

My nightmares have been a blessing, as I believe all suffering in the hands of Jesus can be turned from a tragedy into something completely different to be used to bless us and others. Suffering in the hands of Jesus is like a Phoenix that rises from the ashes. The prophet Isaiah says that God trades us, He takes our ashes and gives us crowns of beauty, He takes our despair and turns it into festive praise.

My nightmares remind me that my selfishness is still their, still lurking in my heart. Why is that good? Because when I see the depth of my depravity I also see the height of my Savior's love for me. He loves me not just when I'm at my best, He loved me and died for me while I was His enemy. He chose to love me and endure hell in order to make me His.

What are you suffering from? Perhaps you've been stuck staring at the pointing finger instead of looking to where the finger is pointing. It is very easy to see only what's in front of us without looking to the one that all things points to. Our blessings are given to us to draw us to God and our sufferings are allowed in order to bind us ever closer in His arms. As Joni Eareckson Tada puts it, "God permits what He hates in order to accomplish what He loves."

There is nothing, there is not one thing that has happened in your life that God can't turn into something for good. Also, it is not our responsibility to turn bad things into good things (I find myself trying to do this quite a bit), that is His responsibility and we get in the way when we try to take that burden upon ourselves.

Jesus has turned my reoccurring nightmares into blessings that I thank Him for. 

How?

Jesus Christ took the ultimate nightmare on the cross, He was cut off from the one that He loved the most, He was cast out so that when my nightmares actually happen to me in real life I won't have to despair. I know that when my nightmares become true it is not because God hates me, in fact it draws me even closer and plunges me even deeper into the love that Christ has shown for me on the cross.

My God gave up His Son so that when I would lose mine I could know that it's not permanent. 

I fully expect to see my son again and when I do we can enjoy Jesus together for all time. O Lord, your love is an ocean and I am drowning in it.